Officially an Aunt!

Dean Jay

Born February 4th, 2011

9 lbs, 2 oz

22 inches

3:31 p.m.

Dear Dean,

Welcome to the world! I know it may seem scary right now but trust me, you'll get along just fine. You don't know how long my family and I have waited for your arrival and I have to give you, my first nephew, props for choosing the right parents to bless. I cannot think of anyone more deserving or loving to raise you. You will never know how much praying and time it took them to finally have you in their arms. As family, we will always be there for you, even when you feel the most alone could ever imagine...we will be there.

Love your aunt,

Amber

I am not cut out for this "Sister stuff"

The other day, I logged on to facebook like I usually do when I am trying to avoid laundry, exercise and basically anything that requires doing something other than sitting on the couch.  I quickly scrolled through the news feed of my fellow facebook acquaintances, one of them being my 16 year old brother.  His status update screamed teenage angst, you know, the kind that says 'even though I am in high school, I know the entire world is at a stand still while my social life is embedded the drama you would only find on Beverly Hills 90210'...pretty serious stuff. 

After inquiring with my little brother about what happened, it was just as expected- a game of  'He Said, She Said' knotted with high school hormones had put a fragile 3 week teenage romance to the test.  While I tried to offer my brother my best sisterly condolences and advice, I knew the only thing that would solve his problems was the truth that in high school, issues like his will eventually disappear with good ol' fashion time and the fact that something else potentially more dramatic may happen that will take his attention away from it. 
The thing I should have told my brother was that although this may seem like a BIG problem now, it wont be next month, next year, next decade.  When I think back on my high school days, I know I enjoyed myself, I was involved in school activities, I received good grades, and had a lot of friendships, some I still cherish today.  I don't think of the heartbreak, the academic pressure, the rumors, and the drama that happened.  That's not to say those things didn't happen...they did, it just doesn't seem as such a big deal anymore.  I remember there was a day that I stayed home from school because I was so upset over a breakup the night before, I remember feeling so betrayed by a close friend that I wanted nothing but to get revenge...those things happened but I don't reflect on them when I reminisce on my teenage days because they just don't matter.  
Of course if I would have said this to my brother, he would have rolled his eyes and complained that I just don't understand, but I do. Stuff like that happened all the time in high school. Gossip and backstabbing have been around since Gutenberg's time, and while facebook and myspace wasn't as prevalent as it is now, there was still cyberbullying.  He can handle his issues, I am not saying he can't.  I just hope that he doesn't choose to reflect on his high school years and only remember the drama that surfaced in the 4 years he attended.  He should choose to remember the friends, the activities, the dances, the good relationships etc.  But what I AM saying is that I know in the back of my mind, I shouldn't worried-  He is a smart kid and he was raised by the same two people as I was and basically, us Dobsons keep our crap together :)

Just another update in a pretty boring life...

    I am sitting here in my living room, the BCS National Championship blaring on the TV, my dog is resting against my foot, I am eating left over Christmas candy while googling things for work. Things like table overlays, cyclone towers, satin sashes to tie over linen chair covers...you know normal stuff.  But I love it, at least this far...my new change for 2011 is off to a beautiful start!  I love going to work knowing that I am about to learn something new, that my opinion is valued, and my passion for decor and organization is being fed.  It is a far cry from my time processing freight, folding camis and dealing with petty co-worker drama.  Ahhh bliss!

    We had a 48 hour trip to Montana to visit my family and had a small belated Christmas, granted it was in a hotel lobby but it was beautiful.  It was wonderful seeing my family.  My little brother is taller than me now and more sarcastic than me (he learned from the best).  My Mom looked amazing and was beaming over her personal training, but still became slightly teary-eyed when I got into Kory's truck to leave, I pretended I didn't notice.  My older brother, Zack, and his wife, Sabrina, were absolutely thrilled for the arrival of their first child, a son, in 3-4 weeks.  My Dad was his usual silly and animated self, some things never change. 

    It is hard to think that I don't know when I will be able to go back.  I hope and pray that it will be in a month or two as I would like to meet my nephew while he is still small, red, and sleepy.  Because after April, wedding season begins, all the chaos will begin and trips to Montana will be just a phantom dream until the end of October. 

   My little Virginia friend, I call her that because she is in fact short and skinny as well as from Virginia, will be venturing her way into eastern Oregon...brave, brave girl.  Good thing she'll have me to show her the ropes for a few days and introduce her two what life in small town Oregon is like, which basically means we will be sitting in my house watching smut-television and eating junk, epic.  I hope Kory doesn't mind Lady Gaga and Britney Spears!

   Taco meat is ready, the pup and the boy want attention and the blog is updated. AMEN!

Reflecting on 2010

I hate to be 'Negative Nancy' or 'Downer Debbie', but I am so ecstatic to see 2010 pass.  I worked a lot, cried a lot, exercised a lot and moved my life.  Life in Oregon wasn't easy to adjust to, in fact, the last 6 months here has been some of the hardest for me.  Well I am happy to report that I have made a change for 2011!  I quit the job that I wasn't happy at, I am starting a job that I am actually excited for and Kory and I seem more passionately in love than ever.   Even though I am not exactly where I want to be, I love the fact that I am finally content.  Here is to 2011!

I am trying, but I still play 'What If'

Well, I am trying.  We set up a big, beautiful, REAL tree and decorated it with classic ball ornaments and sparkly snowflakes.  I turn on Christmas music when it is appropriate, shake my snow globes every so often to see the sparkles and snow flurry around an ice skating Santa and I wrapped all the gifts and placed them perfectly under the tree so it'll look like something out of 'Better Homes and Gardens'.  I set out all our Christmas DVDs so they are readily available for someone in the spirit to watch 'A Charlie Brown Christmas' or 'Elf'.  I even made a stocking for my dog, Mitch, and hung it on the wall.  You can't say I am not trying. 
Needless to say, I find myself crying every few days.  I don't know if it is the holidays that are depressing me, the fact that I am run down by work, both physically and mentally, or if I am just plain home sick.  I suppose I have to check D: All of the above.  Kory seems annoyed when I tell him I feel empty, sad and home sick.  I know he misses MT too but he blames my feelings on the fact that I am not trying.  Not trying?  I moved away from my entire life to be with him, I set up a home with him, I have worked hard for almost 5 months in a job I honestly dislike just to contribute to a life with him.  If you ask me, that is trying pretty damn hard.  He says that if I find a job that I like or at least keeps me content, then I will learn to like it here.  True, a job I like would take some stress off my situation, but it would never make this place MY home. 
Sometimes I play 'What If'...
What if I never moved here?  What if Kory and I continued to do the long distance thing?  What if I went to law school instead of backing away from it?  What if I stayed engaged and eventually married Stuart?  What if I was pregnant a year and a half ago when the doctor noticed my swollen uterus?  What if I decided to leave Kory when he had a drinking problem?  Where would I be?  Would I be happier?  Only the next few months will tell, I made a promise to myself that if I feel the same way in 6 more months, I need to choose myself and my happiness over being where Kory is.  If our relationship is as strong as it seems, we will find a way to work it out if I decided to go back home.  I love Kory, but I cannot devote myself to someone if I can't be happy with myself.  It is an internal battle that is getting worse and the empty feeling is becoming more frequent as time goes by.  It is time to make a change, for me.

Bah Humbug!

Dear Holidays,

I know you are inevitable.  I can't stop time and I know you're coming.  The weather shows it, commercials and retail stores show it, and my bank account shows it.  You come earlier every year and I swear I heard "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" on Halloween.  I work in retail so a Christmas song in early November is quite normal but this year, I don't want you to happen.

Don't get me wrong, I love you.  This time of year is wonderful and reminds us all of Jesus and childhood memories but it is also a reminder of family and sharing you with them.  This year, I wont have that.  The first Christmas in 22 years that I will not share with them.  I am not looking forward to that.  So please don't come just yet. 

For the first time, I am not looking forward to the wonderful food, the Christmas eve anticipation, or the decorating.  I just don't want it.  I don't mean to be a scrooge to you, Holidays, but you must understand, I am not ready for you.  I am dreading you, I am dreading the empty feeling I will feel the 24th and 25th with out my family.  I am dreading opening gifts over the phone and attending a Christmas eve church service I am not used to.  Please don't come. 

Thank you,
Amber

Attention: I appear to be an adult again!

Well, here I am running my tongue over my smooth and slick teeth.  It has been the first time in over a year that I could say that.  After indulging myself in Dr. K's eyes as he pulled off each bracket one by one, I was told to go look in the mirror.  All of a sudden, the clouds seperated, a ray of sunshine penetrated through the darkness while a gospel choir broke out into song.  There I was- I had almost forgotten what I looked like without metal tracks and bands covering all my teeth.  I smiled at myself, then stetched my lips as far back as possible to examine what 6k looks like in terms of orthodontia.  Then I smiled again, moved my hair into the perfect place, pursed my lips and then flashed those pearly whites again...where is Dr. K when it is necessary for him to see me in the way I was intended to look?  I left his office feeling amazing, I took every opportunity to entice Kory with my new chops...needless to say, he didn't catch on.  Anyway, here I am :D