Lets face it. I love my dog, Mitch. He is my hobby, my happiness and well, as sad as it may seem, my child. So when beautiful weather comes around, it means one thing- the Bark Park. The Bark Park is a local dog park that is fenced in and leads out into a penninsula surrounded by a river. Nothing makes any dog more excited than going to the dog park, being unleashed and free to socialize with other dogs, swim, and pee everywhere. Its a funny thing to see what happiness truly looks like on a dog when they are humping another dog at the Bark Park, but everyone lets it slide because, its the dog park- Disneyland for canines.
But there is a catch about the freedom of the Bark Park. Men, and probably a few women, use this social situation to find someone to date. We all know the golden truth that two things can make ANY man irresistable... babies and dogs. So you can imagine the single men that appear there. They usually have one dog, a bigger breed like a lab, retriever or rott. They appear to be laid back, athletic and care-free, but you still notice that gleam in their eyes saying "Yup, thats my dog and yup, I'm available". And if you know Mitch, he is the friendliest, most playful dog in the park so when our dogs meet and play, its time for the approach. Thats right, nobody is a better wing man than man's best friend!!
It usually starts with a line like "Have I seen you here before?" or "Cute dog, what's his name?" and unlike a bar, you can't simply roll your eyes and walk away or pretend the music is too loud to hear, you have to answer to avoid any awkwardness around you. Then after the 'Get to Know My Dog' exchange, it turns into 'Get to Know You so Then I Can get in Your Pants" routine.
Thus it seems you can't get away...you start to move on to follow your dog and they follow you, striking up any thing to talk about (i.e. weather, other dog activities, or 'do you know my friend so and so?'). I am trapped. He even tries to play the "Wow, your dog really likes me!" and I so badly want to yell "Actually he likes anyone who gives him attention!"
I round up Mitch and put his leash on, signaling the closing of the Bark Park exchange. But, he goes ahead to do the same thing to his dog, which means, we are leaving together. The worse part is when he insists on walking me to my car, or acting like we are parked in the same area, which usually is never the case. Then as I put my dog into the car, he resorts to the last attempt, that shaves away all his self-dignity, which usually sounds like the following:
"So since our dogs like eachother, we should take them on a hike sometime" (yeah buddy, we will meet again just for our dogs enjoyment)
OR
"So what are you doing know? We should get a drink or something..." (Really, you mean you were just on your way to a bar? How about you keep the drink and give me the money?)
AND MY FAVORITE, BECAUSE I ADMIRE A MAN WHO GETS TO THE POINT:
"Can I have your number?" (This way I can give it to him straight...'No, I have a boyfriend', or better yet, 'Genital Herpes'...that way there is no getting around it)
Then me, and the one my heart truly belongs to, go home together...
BTW- I don't really have genital herpes or any form of sexually transmitted disease. :)
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