I know, I know it has been a while. My life finally picked up which leaves little to no downtime for me. Guess I took my 2 month unemployment break for granted. I finally have a job- not glamorous by any means but hopefully it can prepare me to get to the next step in the company if things go well. So far, I am having a rough time. Aside from being the new associate in a building full of people who have been coworkers for over a year, I am still having a tough time fitting in. I try to be friendly, outgoing and interested in all they have to offer but I can't help but feel they are holding back from accepting me. Look, I know I have to offer a lot to this company, I am educated, dedicated and full of personality and experience...but no one is letting me show it. I feel like either they assume I should already know everything down to the last detail (which of course I don't, I have only been there a month and only know what I have been trained thus far) or that they need to loom over everything I am doing to make sure it is perfect and if for some reason it isn't I am to be berated and bullied (in front of customers mind you) to 'put me in my place', which in retrospect, is 'the new person'....it is a never ending cycle.
Needless to say I have surrendered. I no longer try to be included in conversation or tasks at work. I keep to myself and focus on the task given. When I have a question, I will ask someone, only to receive eye rolls or a less than vauge answer that makes me wonder if they even bother to point me into the correct direction because either they honestly don't care or they don't want to share information and keep it to themselves for their personal benefit. Every night I go home defeated by them, I try not to let it get me down but its hard when you try your best and continuously get pushed down after you succeed at something.
Friends and family tell me that I should not try to prove anything to them, but don't I have to? They are my co-workers, they should feel confident in my knowledge and they obviously are choosing not to be. They have to see that I am somewhat beneficial to the company and that I am trying my best. I am sorry but anyone who doesn't strive to prove something at their job should reasses their goals, you have to prove something to somebody to get anywhere. Before the 'but you have to do it for yourself' motivational speech, I must repeat what I have mentioned before- I am educated (bachelors in business communication), experienced (degree aside, I have been working in customer service since I was 14, and have been very successful at it), dedicated (I graduated college in 3 years and made the dean's list, I also have always strived for the best whether it be at school or my job), and full of personality (I shouldn't have to explain this...I know myself well enough thank you ;) ). Long story short, I DO do it for myself, thats why I am taking risks, trying hard, thats why I strived for a higher education--for myself. Now I need to prove it to them, which is hard when they care less about me.
I know not many people read this blog...but if you do, I need advice, a pep-talk, encouraging words. What am I to do? I don't just want to give up and quit. Not only do I need the money but I am also relying on the health benefits (which I cannot get otherwise due to a pre-existing condition). Besides financial gain, I like this type of work and would like to be successful at THIS place because I know I am good at it. This is a hump I need to either get over or I need to do something........please help.
4 comments:
Hey blog-lady. I don't know you but I stumbled over your blog and liked how it was written. I just wanted to say that you shouldn't give in to negativity. If you do that, then the people who grind you down have won. Just keep focused internally on what you want to do, set some short, mid and long term goals both privately and professionally. I always find that helps put things in perspective.
I know when I moved to start a new job it was really hard because I didn't enjoy it, but once I set some goals it gave things more meaning. I don't know, that's my two cents but you sound like a great girl and I'm sure you'll keep moving forwards and upwards!
Hey girly, keep your head up! You are beautiful and intelligent and fun and pretty much perfect. It can be hard when you have change, both for you and your coworkers. Just know that it's just one chapter of your life whether you move on to bigger and better things within the company or elsewhere.
I love you and adore you and miss you to pieces. Call me anytime you need to vent.
Oh and blogging is GREAT for venting. Trust me, I know.
Thank you guys, I am finding that blogging is the best thing for me here since I STILL havent made any friends in OR! I am looking for some other options but still hanging in there!!!
Hey Amber! I know you posted this awhile ago so things have changed a bit but are not much better than when you wrote this. So sorry that everyone is being such jerks over there. One thing I have learned is that if people feel threatened they will do whatever they can to make themselves feel better. Even though it doesn't feel like it...their bully-ing is actually a compliment..WHAT?!? What I mean is they are bullying you because they feel threatened by you. Its a them not you problem. Just continue to do what you know is right and try not to respond to their crap! You are a good person and you do have A LOT to offer the company. They should be happy to have you! I will be praying that things smooth out for you or that another door will be opened for you!
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