I know, I know it has been a while. My life finally picked up which leaves little to no downtime for me. Guess I took my 2 month unemployment break for granted. I finally have a job- not glamorous by any means but hopefully it can prepare me to get to the next step in the company if things go well. So far, I am having a rough time. Aside from being the new associate in a building full of people who have been coworkers for over a year, I am still having a tough time fitting in. I try to be friendly, outgoing and interested in all they have to offer but I can't help but feel they are holding back from accepting me. Look, I know I have to offer a lot to this company, I am educated, dedicated and full of personality and experience...but no one is letting me show it. I feel like either they assume I should already know everything down to the last detail (which of course I don't, I have only been there a month and only know what I have been trained thus far) or that they need to loom over everything I am doing to make sure it is perfect and if for some reason it isn't I am to be berated and bullied (in front of customers mind you) to 'put me in my place', which in retrospect, is 'the new person'....it is a never ending cycle.
Needless to say I have surrendered. I no longer try to be included in conversation or tasks at work. I keep to myself and focus on the task given. When I have a question, I will ask someone, only to receive eye rolls or a less than vauge answer that makes me wonder if they even bother to point me into the correct direction because either they honestly don't care or they don't want to share information and keep it to themselves for their personal benefit. Every night I go home defeated by them, I try not to let it get me down but its hard when you try your best and continuously get pushed down after you succeed at something.
Friends and family tell me that I should not try to prove anything to them, but don't I have to? They are my co-workers, they should feel confident in my knowledge and they obviously are choosing not to be. They have to see that I am somewhat beneficial to the company and that I am trying my best. I am sorry but anyone who doesn't strive to prove something at their job should reasses their goals, you have to prove something to somebody to get anywhere. Before the 'but you have to do it for yourself' motivational speech, I must repeat what I have mentioned before- I am educated (bachelors in business communication), experienced (degree aside, I have been working in customer service since I was 14, and have been very successful at it), dedicated (I graduated college in 3 years and made the dean's list, I also have always strived for the best whether it be at school or my job), and full of personality (I shouldn't have to explain this...I know myself well enough thank you ;) ). Long story short, I DO do it for myself, thats why I am taking risks, trying hard, thats why I strived for a higher education--for myself. Now I need to prove it to them, which is hard when they care less about me.
I know not many people read this blog...but if you do, I need advice, a pep-talk, encouraging words. What am I to do? I don't just want to give up and quit. Not only do I need the money but I am also relying on the health benefits (which I cannot get otherwise due to a pre-existing condition). Besides financial gain, I like this type of work and would like to be successful at THIS place because I know I am good at it. This is a hump I need to either get over or I need to do something........please help.
